I can now see how my childhood captivation with all things love and relationships (including the often neglected relationship with self) led me to my career as a relationship coach but given the detours along the way, I didn't see it coming. I thought I was destined to become a veterinarian—toggling back and forth for years between my passion for humans and my passion for animals—working as a vet tech while earning my B.A. in psychology from Concordia University in Montreal and afterwards at the SPCA in San Francisco before feeling the strong internal pull back to helping humans heal as I supervised a residential treatment facility for teens in Los Angeles.

 

In addition to continuing to learn and weave together multiple healing and growth modalities, I draw from my own experience of moving through and mending after the dissolution of my marriage. After 20 years of a successful relationship to a wonderful man, I found myself feeling alone, disconnected from him, trapped, and confused.  My ex and I had advantages that most couples don't—both raised by (and close with) mothers who were skilled couple's therapists, support with developing relational skills, and a shared commitment to respect and kindness—yet, our marriage still unraveled.

 

I hadn't witnessed any long-term relationships between two people who still admired and cared for each other crumble quietly the way ours did. Nor could I find anyone publicly speaking about the experience I was living. This is ultimately what lit the fire in me to take my story, all that I learned, and my experience from over a decade of coaching to TikTok so that others might better understand how a crisis of connection causes suffering and ends marriages. Millions of people across the globe tuned in as my first video went viral. I continue to push myself to keep sharing my story (which still feels scary) as well as my knowledge about relationships.

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Conditioned beliefs, such as a woman prioritizing herself is selfish and leaving a good guy isn't a thing, left me struggling and feeling stuck. Giving myself permission to leave remains one of the hardest things I've ever done. The experience was the ultimate test of my fluency in the skills and practices I introduce to my clients. It was also an opportunity to grow away from old patterns, reclaim all that I'd had to lose to be who others needed me to be,  and learn to love myself as much as I love others.

 

I now consciously turn to my inner compass to guide me rather than unconsciously abide by harmful messages from a patriarchal society that ultimately steers us away from authentic love and connection. Throughout this process I experienced—thanks to the support of friends, family, and compassionate healers—the very thing I want my clients to feel: You don't have to figure it all out by yourself. And it's going to be okay.